Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Gillian Welch -- I Dream a Highway

Podcast Outlaws is an useful site. They review podcasts you may not never have found on your own.

This whole Jewish thing is depressing me today. If I had grown up in some average American Reform or Conservative synagogue I wouldn't be feeling angst. I'd be happy with my level of (non)observance and not irritable. But with my odd upbringing, I have been for the past 27 years, in one way or another, trying to find my way into some sort of Jewish practice and not judge myself for not being perfect and not judge half the Jews I run into for silly reasons that have to do more with my insecurity than anything else. Either I'm not accepting of them or they're not accepting of me or they are too easily accepting, or they are not practicing enough, or they are too Zionist, or they are too anti-Zionist.

Perhaps in 5766 I won't commit every single one of the 44 sins of the Al Chet. A cursory glance tells me I've commited a lot today alone --- impure speech, foolish talk, scoffing, evil talk, prattle of our lips, glance of the eye, casting of the yoke, passing judgment, tale-bearing...

It's like the quote says:

"A pious Jew is not one who worries about his fellow man's soul and his own stomach; a pious Jew worries about his own soul and his fellow man's stomach." – Rabbi Israel Salanter

I have been way too worried about judging everyone else's behavior and opinions and not enough about controlling my own behavior respecting other opinions. I have to really work on myself this year.

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